Bliss

these past few days has been the happiest days since im here in Singapore...having Lionfish with me is awesome...im so grateful when he came for my graduation and hes been cooking everyday ever since...
mind u hes a good cook...even though we just stayed at home n eat n watch movie..its still nice...
it is also a test whether we can stand each other more than 3 days...so far so good...hek hek hek...i know its not gonna be long but im appreciating each and every moment of it...i hope he does as well...

I LOVE U Lionfish...mmmwwaaa...xoxo

P/S: he makes the best crepes ever!

Ever Wonder?

    Ever wonder how people can be so happy on the outside yet so depressed on the inside? I know how it feels and I'm in the zone most of the time. Good thing about flying is you left all the problem and stories at your door step right before you go for flight. On board you are a different person all together. A different persona. The passengers and the crew are not the one to blame if you got problems at home or if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed. So why they have to suffer no?
     I've always felt that i'm never good enough. NEVER! Maybe because since I was little anything I do was expected a failure or just average.I cant understand how families can be so negative. We need them for support and encouragement but instead they only wait for us to fail and clap their hands in the end.
    Even when I dream of big things, they will quickly grab a hold of my both feet and slam me down to the underground and make me feel like all dreams and plans will never work. I now know why I dont plan. I now know why I have trust issues. I now know why its hard for me to be affectionate. I now know why I am what I am..If you are born in a cold atmosphere whereby saying I love you in the morning is strange...you will definitely grow up a COLD BITCH!

Paris in Spring

browsing through all the cheap flights to Paris in spring time...aiyoooo...the cheapest would be $1330 with Emirates...which is quite reasonable i must say...and calculating pocket money for 2 weeks in Paris in Euros...can i really save to go for a vacation? how much money should i bring anyway? will there be shopping involved? well i believe so...or else..whats the point on going in the 1st place no? hek hek hek...yeah the main reason is visiting..so shopping should come second.. 

well in my calculation..i have to save $1000 each month for the trip...is it even possible? yes it is!!! if i eat sand everyday and no shopping for the whole 7 months...BEB? No shopping? Stinging? that would be a challenge...but that doesnt mean its impossible no? if i put my mind to it i could..if i know how to prioritise i can manage... i guess i have to..well...I MUST!

i need to challenge myself this time that i can do it..that its possible...wish me luck citizens of the world!

Sunday lazy sunday...

Today started with a very and extremely lazy sunday...but later on when evening crawling in...the urge to practice our graduation dance routine kick me in the ass...im nervous just thinking about it...can i actually dance that perfect in front of Mama n Papa...and Kevin??? UUUWWWAAAAARRrrrrgghhhh....sshhhooo....cannot shout or else the neighbours will complaint...Scarry thoughts came into my mind each time I thought about it...

I need to get in shape...i need to get the dance steps right..i need to think about the outfit...i need to get the rest of the routine figured out...OMG!!!!! so many thing to do....so little time...why am i soooooo stressed...im not supposed to...I'm not that kind...Am I? mwahhahaha...im confused...like always...

Back in the air...

have u ever feel like when u enter a place u feel like u belong...even though its a different place each time...
thats how i feel when ever i'm in an aircraft..i dunno why...its not like i have spent my lifetime in an aircraft but the seat...the smell the environment and the ambiance i just felt like..i belong here...

been flying for almost 6 years now..and with regards of different airlines...i still love flying..i know that some people says its bullshit but im just saying what i feel...I did try to change career...but i longed for the sky...
although U travel most of the time and sleep at different hotel in different country doesn't give as much satisfaction as people travelling for holidays...but i think its enough for me...for now...i can still travel like lionfish if i want to...staying in a country for 3 months and then move on...it sounds fun..but i need stability...i need something to hold on to and to go back to...

sometimes u feel like u're not here nor there...u just floats around till something drag u to the ground n rest for a while n grab a hold of reality...one thing that fascinates me with flying is...u meet different people each flights...not just the passengers...the crew as well...u can change urself each time...u can be better..or u could be worse...up to u to create the experience of each flights...i know it sounds fake but..its like u have the chance to reinvent yourself each flights...i think its fun...

it was perfect

my 1st Eid with mu lionfish was nice...close to perfect if it wasnt for the travelling and his knees went bad again.He was perfect at my family's lunch..if only i werent too paranoid about the whole thing...(smack me in the head!)Spending 2 days with him was beautiful...i do wish to spend more time with him though...well...i was a bit disappointed with myself for not spending enough time with my parents though...

i am touched by his plans and effort to come down n spend time with me in kl...he spent a lot...we had feasts of food each time..hek hek hek...well Malaysian style!!!we're happy when we full and we will make sure our guest is full as well..hek hek hek...

when he talked about plans and future...it actually worries me...i dont wanna listen to more plans...i just want execution..thats all....i just need action..no more empty talks...no point..we talk too much i guess...its time to see some results...im not saying that im dont have the patience but i just wanna enjoy this relationship and wishing that there will be no disappointment again...1st it was Tioman...n i dunno whether theres gonna be another one again...i have got my heart broken one too many time...its time to enjoy the ride...enough struggling,..too tired to go on...

While i wait...

while waiting for the aircraft a thought cross over my mind...
apart from being grateful and happy...while do i still have this emptiness in my heart....
i know Didi would definitely say that i think too much and would love to smack the
back of my head if she could...maybe when i think of my surrounding and all the things
that have evolved around me..i felt left behind and somewhat left out...
im 28 and im still struggling with my job...acnes and still a burden to my parents...
what went wrong? i know that the failure to plan is a plan to failure...but i tried planning
and it didnt work. i strive and strive and strive...yet still...im stagnant..back to where i started.
the clock is ticking...im getting older by the minute....why is it so hard to progress in life?
maybe its just the festive season..or maybe its the hormone pills talking...or maybe i should
pay extra attention to it...coz i have been asking this question far too often...

My 1st Eid With Lionfish

OMG OMG OMG....i am soooooo excited....im gonna be celebrating my 1st eid with my lionfish...im speechless and i think im having butterflies in my stomach right now....

I miss my family most of all and will be spending precious quality time with them...and lionfish is coming down to KL to celebrate it with me...

Just when u thought this is not going right...God lift up your spirit again and brought the light back in your life....

GOD LISTENS!!!!

Being Grateful...

I was twittering after i got home from class and stumble upon this quote

"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for."


a slap across the face again...i realise that i need a good slap of reality once in a while...no...i need it often i guess..i know that i have a lot to be grateful of but with the problems that im facing makes me forget how lucky i am sometimes...


i only look on the surface..never get into the small small details that should make me happy...i have a beautiful family that alway supported me..friends that loves me...a career that most people wish they could have and the sweetest boyfriend that i always wanted...


i always complain about distance makes everything hard...i wish my Lionfish could be with me most of the time...i need a companion. i never had a long distance relationship before and i have never believed in them. but now i have no choice but to wish and make it happen no matter what. but when we talk about fate and future..that is beyond my control and the higher power always have His plan installed for us regardless how good our plan was.


Even though i know deep down inside there a little voice inside of me saying that its only temporary and its really2 impossible..i cant help holding on to the insane part of me that believe if we try and want it bad enough, God will listen.


And maybe..if it doesn't work out its just not meant to be. Theres always a reason for everything..i always learn it the hard way...but i know  the presence of the people in my life are all my 'Living Gurus'. Each and everyone of them thought me about love and life and how to live it...


I'm blessed for the unique life that im living in...i know im no ordinary citizen of the world...so are u!!! Be proud that u're different....indulge in the fact that u are unique...embrace the truth that we are special....


xoxo

Mummy Kayu and baby Maryam Qiasatina...I Luv U

I've known Kayu since I was in college. She was my senior and we have to move in her apartment cause we're homeless...hek hek hek...thanked god! At first shes a bit cocky i must say...not really an approachable person i would say...but look at us now....shes my BFF and i love her to death...

Shes the kind of person with a lot of wisdom but then again dont mind making fun at....we just love to make fun of Kayu n she never ever mind...She always have something to say and most of the time no matter how hard u wanna ignore it...it does make sense.  Kayu loooooooooooves chicken...i mean really...really loooooves chicken...she have to eat chicken at least once a day....if not...i think she would DIE!

We went thru ups and down together...i think if we not friends she would still be the innocent Kayu i once met in college...but nooooo....i poisoned her to smoke...n clubs n all sort of teenage mishaps...hek hek hek...yeah...i will take the blame...im sorry Kayu...but at least u have done it all....hek hek hek...remember all the stupid things we did kayu? All the missions that we had? mwahahahha...

We've always thought that Kayu would be the last person to ever settle down n get married...coz? Because shes Kayu!!!! End of story....hek hek hek...but boy we're we wrong....She's the 1st among us to actually reach heaven on earth...at 10.01pm on the 4th September 2010 she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl Maryam Qiasatina Nasrull Shariff...i feel like crying right now...i wish i was there...how they tried so hard to have her...OMG Kayu im soooo happy for u both....i will definitely make a visit for Raya...mmmwwwaaa....